life's a big clichè

contradictions.

2010-10-03T01:55:00.001+08:00

was browsing through baby’s facebook and somehow these 2 names always caught my attention. Baby was always trying to relate how someone from my religion could go to his religion. Like wake up my dear! 1 out of a thousand or less. But then as i browse through their pics and i realised something. They seem to be proud of their convertion and SUBHANALLAH. im so embarrassed they could publish their photo of their baptism. But in other pictures there are some photos of their family wearing tudung and SUDAH TERANG MUKE LU MELAYU BABE. Im jus sad for them that they even criticize their own religion. Its just not me to say this but maybe she’s jus disappointed her prayers to be pretty and slim was not answered by HIM , she chose to convert hoping that this time her prayers will be answered but from what i see mcm makin besar jer and she’s looks like a walking WARDROBE. oops. im sorry baby. but i jus can’t help it. im not being a hater but seriously no matter what you say nothing I REPEAT NOTHING will change my mind , cos some couple who thinks they did a right thing wanna talk to me abt religion? in my religion they are called MURTAD , i tk bole bayangkan mane i duduk pat akhirat nanti if i follow whatever shit they do. So i think its better if you don’t bring me to meet them , cos i dunno what shit will come out of my mouth. Not being judgemental but if you don’t put yourself or make the effort to belief in HIM or atleast remember HIM once in awhile, Don’t change your path of life jus cos your faith and belief is not there cos you don’t practice it.

ohhh…look what you’ve done..

2010-09-20T03:01:00.000+08:00

i tried to make things go your way but it ends up nothing in my favour…i doll up for u but when i meet u , u were busy with ur friend’s son..aku ni ape?tunggul?haish…sdih siak..i jus stand in one corner with my brother. i was treated like a fool back there and started yelling at me in the bus for no reason. I swear i could have killed u on the spot. I just kept quiet and you pretended as if nothing happened and even accused me of giving u and ur friends attitude. Yea rite..i had reason for doing so..so we went to baby’s fren’s house..the first house and the last…after we ate , we had to go down cos the others were taking too long..mummy and dady wanted to fetch us to go back though cos they wanted to send me to Pak long and Pak Ngah house..but he won’t let me go..and he started swearing my mum and my dad…yes i was angry..but i couldn’t believe he jus did that..even after i said im staying..and guess what after all that maki hamun from him , his friends buay him..i felt so wasted..cos i didn’t get to go my own uncle house…atleast out of respect, think about it uh..puas hati skrg?den tros balik..waste of time..but it does not end there u see..when i get home and mummy found out i did not go to any of my uncle’s house i was scolded and totally fucked up and down by my mum..i couldn’t take it at all…i wanted us to end..cos it was so unbearable..baby tried to talk some sense into me but i was stubborn..i wanted to be apart..cos he didn’t understand me at all and he never tried to..why shud i stay?i was dissappointed, heartbroken..cos when its done its jus too late to regret..cos im the one who takes the blame..not you…=’(

why mus u ask me not to leave when ur action says otherwise?why? im so depressed. tis is not fair…

Gastric.

2010-09-19T03:06:00.000+08:00

omg…the pain…i rather die…had gastric now…

Happy Birthday to me.

2010-09-15T02:07:00.000+08:00

tis date marks the day when i turn 20. haha. nothing special happened except that i spent the whole day with hubbay. im glad to spent the whole day but like i sadi nothing special was done or happened. Yes, i was devastated cos i got no presents , no cards , not even a birthday cake when all i did this year was celebrate this , celebrate that but my mum claimed that the BB she signed the line and got at $68 was a birthday gift to me though. Thanks mum. But i was sad , nothing seems special at all. Well , its jus a birthday afterall. JUST a birthday.

depressed.

2010-08-15T17:26:00.001+08:00

i can’t believe this. things never go my way do they? im always in mishaps and misfortunes. Until when?i dunno that myself. baby had been out on mummy’s birthday. u can’t blame me wad. My family comes first. And its mummy’s birthday. Baby didn’t call me or text me the whole night. He claims im not to disturb him while he is enjoying himself. I was so disappointed. I asked him to text me atleast i know his whereabouts. But my request fell on deaf ears cos i never received either text or call. The next day was worst , i tried calling from morning till afternoon. All he could say was “im sorry baby”. You think sorry can unbreak my heart , can heal this heartache of mine? and today , is that a lie i hear in your voice?am i not important to you?i needed u soo bad. i needed to hear your voice. i wanted to be happy. but u took that away from me. but why , when i demand for u to leave me , u can’t? why mus u shed ur tears and say u’ll never let me go?why baby why? why must u do all this to me? what wrong have i done to u?i was jus soo jealous u didn’t want to talk to me but to her instead. i am selfish cos i want u for myself only. u proved to me that i was not important cos even though knowing that i called and text u ignored. i don’t mean much to you baby? i will never believe you. you lied , even though u never betrayed me. but you lied.

y do u need me? cos such a simple thing u cannot do for me. you jus hurt me soo bad.

i’ll sleep it off. i hope this hurt will go away. tis is nothing new , i’ll heal. I HOPE.

just you.

2010-08-09T05:01:00.001+08:00

i see your true colours , thats why i love you.

yea baby , the exact reason why im with you today. You never hide your true self from me , u made me learn to love someone for who he is rather than who i want him to be. I never wanted anything or anyone else but to be happy and enjoy every moment of my life.

hearts you much Daniel. XOXO

if , am , do ?

2010-08-02T01:44:00.003+08:00

hubby , i need you.

i miss you soo much.

when can i be with you?

can i be in ur arms?

would you love me forever?

am i your adorable but annoying baby?

will i ever be replaced?

am i still the one who makes you smile?

am i still the one you think about every morning?

do you dream of me every night?

am i still in your heart , even if im far away?

last but not least ,

Will i be yours forever?

i | you.

Happy Birthday & 4th Monthsary Hubby.!

2010-07-12T11:22:00.003+08:00

Hey boo , ur loved.

and you know i never meant what i said when i say my love fades.

the longer i am with you , the more im stubborn to make u stay.

yes , mayb i was harsh to ensure that your feelings were strong.

that you're willing to change not for me but for us.

i needed that assurance that you're able to make that leap , that sacrifice ,

to always make sure im yours.

and this is from me to you ,

Happy Birthday Daniel Hanafi Sashi .

I hope you succeed in your future endeavors ,

with me by your side.

and happy 4th Monthsary .

the thought of almost losing you scares me shitless.

and im sorry for hurting you in anyway...

but you should just know , you mean as much to me as i do to you.

Love ,

F***

2010-06-29T02:05:00.001+08:00

today jus suck balls! fuck!

im angry..and no ones here for me.

desperate needs for stress reliever..

a hell of a weekend!

2010-06-28T01:44:00.002+08:00

yeaa!! weekend was awesome...Sally baby was supposed to be coming over on Saturday. But the car is still spoilt and mummy also say she abit tired. SO yea..postponed to next week maybe?

friday was tiring..cos after meeting baby , went off to Jurong east to meet mummy..cos she said we'll be taking the last bus home...but suprise, suprise...she wants to wait for Daddy to come back and i could have spend more time with Baby. And bla , bla , bla.... reached home at 4 plus in the morning.

Okay..woke up...at 12..wow..suprising..cos mummy was nagging..Shana tis , Shana tat...urgh! and..everybody was watching tv happily when , BAM! mummy suddenly suggest we go Melaka..and its like 4 pm?SO i went up and go get ready..finally left the house at 6..its a long drive to Umbai..and we had fun..bt i slept the whole way..so yea...Seafood was awesome..and mummy and daddy ordered Pari Bakar , Sweet sour Siakap , Chili crab , fried sotong and fried prawns..i could almost faint from eating..and anyway..head off to Mahkota Hotel to enquire and all that..was almost 12 am eh...bt i was still full so sittting in car for 2 more hours will be torture..i suggested that we go see the bazaar and there are dudes who display their cars not for the exterior , bt the sound system...was definitely AWESOME..boom!boom!boom! haha..people tere don't look kampung-ish at all...which is cool..some even look better than our local malay Singaporeans... oops!anyway , reached home at 5 this time...gosh! slept at 6 cos watched USA and Ghana..when i was still awake score was still 1-1..bt i crashed soon after...woke up nearly 3pm..haha!burok or wad..

and Sunday .... jus grocery shopping with baby sis..hee [= so cute la she..

tats all for the day..nites all...

i miss you tons Hubbylove.

hurt.

2010-06-19T11:59:00.002+08:00

how could say all those things to me again. im hurt. im torn in between my BabyGs , and you needed to make everything worst. Am i not worth your love? Do u realise how close you are to losing me? I could just walk away and make you jus another part of my bad memory. But i didn't. Do you know why? It's bcos i love you ,too much

Saat cinta berputik , kau telah menjadi kekasih hati yang selama ini ku idamkan. Cintamu yang tulus dan suci membawa ku ke alam fantasi. Dan seandainya kau tiada disisi , hatiku akan sentiasa merindui. Ku hanya berdoa agar kau menjadi seseorang insan yang akan menjadi kekasihku sehingga akhir hayat nanti.

2010-06-18T01:35:00.003+08:00

Confuse much?

y is everyone driving me nuts today?

First was my babies , then Hubby.

Someone did a pretty nasty thing today, being Girlfriends #1 most important rule is you don't kiss and tell. Cos whatever shit happens in the circle stays in the circle. But somehow, you breach that rule and im sorry but ur not considered trustworthy. Im driving myself crazy thinking about this and to even let her talk negative stuff about my Diy Baby to me and i agreed with it. I feel soo bad. Diy baby, im really sorry. I didn't mean to but i did accidentally blurt out abt u mentioning Yan alot of times. Anyway , to make things worst hubby was being Mr Grumpy and i shall not mention ehat he said. It hurts too much , still leaves a fresh scar even after apologizing. Not easy being your baby Daniel. I swear. But i love you no matter what.

Fiza Baby!

2010-06-15T01:44:00.000+08:00

Happy Birthday FizaBaby!
I've always cherished your friendship in all these 5 years. Its awesome how i got to know you in Sec 2. I remembered during those years you always made me custom Birthday cards. So cute..!i still keep for the memories. Anyway, hope u stay beautiful as always and last long with Jup Ace aiite?

Hugs&Kisses ,

untitled .

2010-01-22T02:32:00.001+08:00

i jus wish one day i could stop the world from spinning. Freeze everything in place and go somewhere , someplace where everything is how i wan them to be. A land i fantasize to call my own , pink fluffy clouds. Chocolate rivers , pretty kitty everywhere.

WHAT THE FUCK AM I TALKING ABOUT??!

maybe im going crazy or maybe just maybe im jus heartbrokenn. jus too disappointed with my own life that i crave to be somewhere i can belong and not hurt anyone. not emo-ing in any way..but i kinda lost my strength in all the shits i’ve been through.

cabot.

2010-01-22T00:25:00.001+08:00

hmm. i wonder why cabot-ing is so addictive. Like if one person cabot , the rest will follow. siaks la..end up chilling at pkm with the BOYS. haha. i miss them la kann. but teres only one thing thats ruining the moment. mcm menyampah gitu kan… if only she knew wads going on. you come and sit with us, tkmo nk step gerek boley? anyways , made new frens today. But they’re from year 2. not bad looking la. haha.. k stop it eh shana..

purple orchidd.. <3

2010-01-08T01:23:00.001+08:00

wans’t home ystd. sleptover at nenek house at tmn jurong. while waiting somebody did me huge favor to make my day. I was looking through pictures of flowers from cameron highland. So i told him i wanted a flower. A real one. SO he said “be right back” . And he came back with a purple Orchid. sooo pretty. Lovin the colour mann..anyways.. took some photos with lappy under the block cos like tk sabar.. cantekkk!!

s c h o o L.

2010-01-06T02:09:00.001+08:00

First day of school..for me. I have no fucking idea why but the though of going to school sickens me. Especially if i have to wake up in the wee hours in the morning. No more wake up calls and stupid quarrels for my breakfast. No more shouting like crazy fuckers under the void deck. No more half spring chicken after school. No more shits from my mom. No more “taiti diraja” . Fuck i miss that the most. No more late night riding. No more not coming back. Am i happy this way?dunno … sometimes i wish we jus stayed as friends. too bad life isn’t a picture , i’ll be more than glad to edit stuff or cut and paste. dang! i hate being whiny. But i think i was such a fudgeface for being paranoid of someone . LOL. block same siol.. well.. who the fudge cares rite… its over and we’re done. wish i could still hang out though. so used to lepak-ing with them people.. im having difficulties choosing who to lepak with now. haha. anyways , 2nd break go smokes with syad and junlong..ate western..mcm rindu gitu kann..

6 years and counting..

2010-01-03T22:19:00.001+08:00

went out with lollipops! Fiza, Dilly , Bari & Eir. As usual, fiza and me star karat..we were 1 hour late? went to soo many places. and fiza.. IOU!!! like alot..

* pictures on 30 Dec

(✿◠‿◠) happy happy selalu for the tahun baru!

2010-01-01T23:30:00.000+08:00

countdown was a blast.!been celebrating with ex but this year was a change. I welcomed the new year as a strong person. UNattach , free , boifriend-less , i could basically do anything i wanted to. LOL. Surprise , surprise people. I actually did not drink despite having the money. Kudos to me yea.. went out with the lovelies..i swear they are a nice bunch of people to hang out with. SOrry guys , but i do what i want. And shana apologise for not being tere at other part of Singapore to celebrate the new year. Someone was like so jealous i never go with him la kann.. haha . oops. anyways..enjoy the pic .. more on fb though.

otw to S’pore.

countdown @ Marina!

Sheesha with Fydaand BF , Wani.

fave pic of the day.

BBQ

2009-12-27T04:28:00.000+08:00

BBQ with brother’s gerlfren family was like soo the gerek. Ate a lot and yea..there were fresh mutton flown from Australia. Garlic bread , grilled veggies, not forgetting corn..fish..oh well..u name it..well..the phrase its a small world can so like be put to the situation at Shazira’s house. cos like my mum knows her Aunt’s dad and my grandma is like their old neighbor or something..god my mum is so weird but adorable. Haha.

Back from cameron highland!

2009-12-26T03:41:00.001+08:00

trip was awesome..gave me a chance to get my head straight..the peace and tranquility at the inn was pleasant and heart warming.Even if the trip wasn’t that long i enjoyed every minute of it. theres not much i could express in words. imma let the pictures do the talking then. enjoy!

Cameronian Inn

At Rose Valley

At butterfly park..

At strawberry farm.

At ice cream stall

oh btw, theres starbucks at cameron..fucking awesome!!

lost in thoughts.

2009-12-20T03:48:00.001+08:00

i wonder why does it feel like some things are not meant to happen. it jus occurs to me that those events or moments doesn’t have to be written in my book of life.Maybe my friends were right,I chose my own life , i make my own decisions. What i realize now is that things happened for a reason. Maybe its a major sign to tell me to move on. He’s not worth an inch of space in my heart. I do agree , that after Chubs and i were over , things kinda get lonely for me. Im doing nothing to change that though but chose to stay home and absorb all the fucked up moments.Not that im bragging or anything , but there is this someone whom i still miss. Maybe the one you love, is jus under my nose. Maybe those other boys made me see right through him.

You made me happier than i’ll ever be. You pull me up again when im down at my worst. You made my heart flutter every time you kiss.You made me understand the true meaning of patience and sacrifice for true love. But, i’ll never be yours as much as you’ll never be mine.

Love. Till now, the meaning i seek behind this powerful word has not prevail.

in and out of love.

2009-12-17T22:38:00.001+08:00

once again im out of Love. Maybe im jus destined not to be in love for now. I know my frens will be like , “yea rite…we’ll see how long she stays single.” Well in that case , imma prove them wrong now. I feel so free now. Life is not as uptight and occupied as it seems to be last time. I have so much to do now that no strings are tied.Pass my car license. Be there for my nenek. Make mummy happy and most importantly, catch up with my beloved friends. Im sad how things worked out for me. maybe thats how life is suppose to be for me. there are some people whom i miss dearly, but i can never let them know. Why?cos they are past. and thats history. i regret for my past misdeeds which cause hurt to others. Well, karma’s a bitch. And it hit me right in the face. Cos when he’s gone, then it made me realise that it has never been fair for him. Now that i’ve learn to let go, ur jus a sweet memory. If you know im referring to you , jus to say i missed you. Its never been easy keeping this 3 words to myself. Au revoir mon cherie.

dissappointment.

2009-11-30T01:40:00.004+08:00

sometimes i wonder , lost in thoughts so deep tears roll down my face and i dun realize. why have i chose someone whom for sure will make me go against my parents , lose my friends cos he’s selfish. now im all stuck. I can’t jus walk away cos i made him fall for me. And this involves feelings, im disappointed with myself. Despite having a fucked up life, i gave him face. Another chance, but ur still the same. Like i said, u’ll never change. enough about you. MCM PHM.

To Dilly, i’ve read ur blog. Im hurt , it doesn’t matter now rite?like u said , i chose my life to be this way. If i could turn back time, none of this would happen. Tears rolled down my face when i read ur blog. I never meant to hurt u babe. U know that , don’t you.? Sorry to hear that you gave up on me. Theres jus so much i could tell. Maybe to your eyes, i pushed u away . I only said i miss you but i don’t make an effort. Im sorry it has to be this way. Its not that i don’t make an effort baby, its because this all i can afford. Words ,not even promises. Cos promises are jus another thing i fail in. i really hope we could meet up soon. I really missed us. We practically grew up together. We went through so much. Im jus a normal human being Dilly. I make mistakes. I don’t wanna throw everything we went through for 5 years jus like that. will meet you soon. Pinky promise. Love ya.

bored.

2009-11-26T15:12:00.002+08:00

helmet drop again.
pathetic.
got nothing say.
things are very mundane nowadays.
still with my babybams.
i hope u change , cos i still believe in us.
miss camwhor-ing.
by, go get camera den we go take pictures lei.
my blog damn boring. -_-'

lets go shopping.!
please.

2009-11-19T00:42:00.002+08:00

been awhile since blog is updated.
eversince Singapore Idol has more than 10 contestants.
tats very long ago.
but for me ,
nothing good happened except for tears and quarrels.
i miss my life.
i miss shopping.
i miss bitching with my babes.
N i miss shopping with my babes the most.
i have no idea whats holding me back.
im sure my babes are ignoring me now.
im sadd.
i miss them.
how could i let someone get in between me and my gerlfrens?
we've been thru so much together.
y now?

Hey Dills ,
u haf no idea how much i miss u.
how much i miss smoking and laughing.
our heart to heart sessions.
our shopping moments.
im sorry for not being tere for you all this while.
i've promised not to let anyone destroy our friendship.
but i failed , u know i love you sia.
im dissapointed with myself.
with my life.
how it has turn out to be.
i have so much to tell you.
i jus miss our caramel frappe at Starbucks.
no words can describe how much i miss us.

Hey Fiza,
ur someone i called a true friend.
no matter what i do ,
u still treat me the way i am.
i hate myself for treating u this way.
u've always been tere for me when i need you.
banyak sia aku terhutang budi dgn kau.
i rmbr those nights aku terlpas bus kau teman aku sampai pagi.
when im short of cash , u treat me makan.
damn.
wish i could meet u soon baby.
aku rindu kau gile babi.

sad that my own boifren dun get it.
he only thinks im cheating him everytime.
even if im with my family.
is this called love?
well, fuck it.
im physically and mentally hurt.
i yearn to be with my friends so much.
i miss my outings.
carefree , able to do what i want.
i dun think that exist anymore.
but i won't give up.
im still fighting for my right.

FUCK LOVE, FUCK EVERYTHING , FUCK YOU.

if this is what it takes to love, fuck it.

2009-10-26T23:31:00.000+08:00

theres so much to say. my heart hurts so bad. I tried to put on my smile cos i don’t wanna see you mad. I thought i could push everything aside and move on. Its easier said than done. It jus happened. After what i went through, all the hassle the effort. And the truth came out to be so ugly. I was so not ready for this. I was taken aback , shocked , suprised. Im involved in a fucking twisted love triangle. Aku ditipu bro…everything i’ve sacrificed for you seems wasted. I feel stupid. so confused , so many question marks in my head. I don’t want to be a bias person who judges without thinking , im analysing every fact and detail i’ve gathered. Neither parties managed to convince me, if any of them is right or wrong. Why shouldn’t i trust someone i knew for a long time, or someone whom i’ve been with for 2 months. I’ve been in her position and i know whats the consequences. im jus so fucking confused and fucking angry now. please show me a sign who’s lying..please please..i promise i won’t get drunk and hurt myself even if the truth is damn ugly.

FUCK YOU. FUCK YOU. FUCK YOU. FUCK YOU.

i hate to feel stupid. Not knowing who to trust. It just doesn’t seem right. i do love you, but i keep having this bad feelings. It doesn’t seem to go away. my brain works in a way where when im not thinking i’ll recall something randomly. So u dun fucking blame if i jump to conclusions. I wanna trust you, but i can’t bring myself to. Only God knows what i feel now. thanks for hiding all the way. oh btw, kau kate da delete die dari msn?mcm phm laaa…

2 weeks.

2009-10-25T03:32:00.001+08:00

its been awhile since rant my thoughts here. soo many things happened and also im going nuts cause i put on weight. I miss running. Anyone care to go for a jog with me? help! well besides the heavy problem. Stuff between me and bambam seems to go outta hand. Nothing can ever repay what he did this few days. Thursday was a long day. Went JB after school with baby. But i didn’t went home. Told baby i could take a cab back. But after he wash his bike i was sick. Damn sick. Vomit and had a terrible headache. I was weak and i wanted to go home so badly. Baby didn’t have the heart to see me go back in cab myself. So we went to S’pore, and he took care of me. Kinda overslept and skipped school. I felt so uncomfortable. Messy and unkempt. Eeeewww…nothing could describe the feeling. Nothing at all. I appreciate everything that you did for me baby. Mummy was angry cause i didn’t went home. So yeah..sorry i couldn’t accompany you when ur bike broke down yesterday. I was kinda grounded from using the phone. At least when i last called you, Najib was there. Nothing could ever replace my words to describe how worried i was. Come on baby , ur independent. U dun need me. I can’t do anything to help u sia..i feel so useless. I don’t blame u for saying im not a good girlfriend. I promise i’ll get a job ad pay you back. If possible , every single cent. I hate it when u compared me with her. I hate it. But what can i do?its your mouth. I can’t stop you from saying what you want. I deserve it. I know. But thanks for being there for me baby. hearts you much.

confuse.

2009-10-12T02:13:00.001+08:00

why shud we go on if teres no trust?

why shud i put hopes if u dun believe in me?

why shud i care if u don’t?

what have i done to be treated tis way?

im crushed.

i hate the feeling.

maybe ur right ,

we are not meant to be together.

sometimes i feel so lost.

how can things turn out to be this way?

i love us when we’re happy.

i love us when we joke , we laugh .

nobody loves to quarrel with their love ones.

well …

all i say can is that ,

“You could be a sweet dream or a beautiful nightmare”

words of regret

2009-10-03T06:22:00.003+08:00

things happened so fast…i knew one day you’ll find out. No more lies. What happened on 10th Sept was my mistake. A Big one. But ever since the day, i’ve been living with guilt and regret. I underestimated you. I don’t blame you for what you have done.I spent the whole time at home thinking reminiscing what happened yesterday. Who says love don’t hurt?it does physically and mentally.I told a lie to the wrong person who loves me ,who cares about me. But i end up hurting him soo bad, things got outta hand. I was soo confused , at times u seem to want to give me a chance. I was wrong, you told me things are gonna be different. Cos after yesterday, you’ll be the worst person i will ever know.I deserve every bit of it. I ran, but you still came looking for me. I heard the sound of ur bike.I was scared , i covered my eyes and ears. Hoping all of that will go away. You still wanted to see me after what i’ve put you through. But your words are set to kill. Words so poisonous , it kills me from inside. But i know, deep inside you do love me. I don’t deserve you. You care for someone so much , you end up hurting yourself. You said you’ll never be serious with me after that, even though we made up. I knew from then on, you’ll never treat me the same. I know your hurt, but i swear everything you said yesterday stayed in my mind. It keeps repeating till every sentence makes my heart aches. I wanted to rip myself apart. Thanks for making me realize. I have no intentions to play with your heart. I feel so helpless right now, confused. No, i don’t want you to leave. I’m trying my best to change , to be someone better. But like what you said ,if i love you i wouldn’t have done that. My intentions are not like what you think , i can’t and i won’t cheat you. i don’t think anything i say now you’ll believe. I still got hopes for us. I still believe my love is strong. Strong enough to endure in whatever you’ll do or say , or to even bring me down. Love can’t be force , its a selfless act done for the someone you love. To put him ahead of myself, to sacrifice my time and efforts. Cause his smile makes all the effort worthwhile. i love you baby.

right now, my feelings are so jumbled up. Im still confuse. Only time can answer my questions. I still need you baby. Im never gonna let you leave. Imma win your heart and that smile back.

gossip girl XOXO.

2009-10-01T04:08:00.001+08:00

guess wadd??!!

gossip girl Season 3 is out! O-U-T , out!

weeeee~

i miss the chuck and blair game.

they look soo cute together.

can’t believe in the last episode of Season 2 ,

chuck actually told blair he loved her.

AMAZING…but true.

love is blind..

watching online is a whore.

i can sleep, eat, drool and whatever while waiting

but it still not done loading..pathetic.

pfft!

im SMS-ing my bambam and watching Gossip Girl .

my darling brother bought me a new earpiece.

so sweet la kan..

mickey mouse summore..red colour..

damn cute and HOT!!

thanks love..he said it a belated birthday pressie.

haha..cute or wad..

at least he got me something..

anyways, meeting bambam tmr..

last week to enjoy, SCHOOL’s starting soon.

new class , new friends .

part time job maybe?

p.s i miss you.

angry.

2009-09-29T15:23:00.000+08:00

who says words can’t kill.

ur words almost killed me.

words are like prayers.

what is ur motive saying all those stuff?

am i not worth for whatever u have done?

r u not sincere about what u did for me?

these question kept repeating in my head.

i was disappointed.

despite the fact that your angry ,

those things you said are beyond my limits.

yes , i said i’ve given up.

but deep down i do love you.

we quarrel everytime we don’t meet.

things are way different

so what does that says?

we can’t be apart for too long.

but how long are we suppose to stay tis way?

i want to meet u bby.

is this LOVE?

2009-09-27T06:13:00.001+08:00

im done painting my nails ,

nude brown.

dunno why but lately im so into nude colours.

so happy!

weee!~

babybams is werking at National Museum.

he said the party there havoc!

nk join by!!!

i can’t sleep , not that i don’t wan to.

i jus can’t convince my heart enough

that he’ll reach home safe.

i miss you so much it hurts baby.

babybuntals hearts u la bams.

all my years of blogging ,

never once have i mentioned about ,

what is my type of guy, how should he be like?

and that is always a question a guy will always ask me?

for all those times , i gave practical answers , so NOT sincere.

but as i grew up, im way more matured now ,

its actually not “What type of guy i do i like? ”, anymore.

for me or to me now,

its rather much more complicated or sophisticated,

i would rather know ,

how am i seen to his eyes?both in the inside and the outside ,

or rather how special i am to him?

well,

from Shana’s opinion ,

i want a guy who loves me for who i am ,

i want a guy who makes me his princess ,

i want a guy who deep in his heart ,

finds me most adorable & annoying at the same time ,

cause i know i tend to be very irritating at times.

i want a guy who melts when i give my cute smile and bats my eyelashes ,

even when he knows i’ve done something wrong .

but still gets angry and gives me a piece of his mind.

i want a guy who can be both ,

my lil devil and my sweetest angel.

i want a guy who loves me in his very own way ,

i want a guy who reads my stupid SMSs when he miss me,

i want a guy who makes me think i have butterflies in my tummy,

when i see him.

who makes my heart flutters to the sky ,

when he kiss me .

who kiss my forehead everytime he sees me ,

who does not sweet talks ,

but when he does ,

it felt as if he’s laying all his heart out for me.

i want a guy who appreciates me in every way ,

who locks me up in his heart ,

and throws the key to the deepest ocean ,

i wanna be a prisoner in a heart so sweet and pure ,

that my only sentence is to be loved and adored for a lifetime

by no one else but my ONE true love.

these are the things i’d write ,

when i was still soul searching.

and now that i’ve met Iswan.

he’s all that i want.

now the sentence is not “~~i want~~ ..” but “ I have..”

i have a guy who loves me with all his heart ,

like i love him.

i have a guy who makes my heart not flutters but soars to the sky,

when he kiss me.

i have a guy who makes me feel so loved and secured ,

when he holds me tight.

i have a guy who makes me feel like in not a princess,

but a Queen of his heart.

i have a guy whom i love soo much,

that i never want him out of my sight.

i have a guy who makes me miss him so much ,

i keep counting the hours and days to see him.

i have a guy who makes me smile ,

even when life has brought me down.

i have a guy who’s always willing to listen ,

even when it bores him to death.

i am so lucky to have you in my life, baby.

you’ll always be my shooting star ,

in my deepest darkest night.

i love you..

so guys, sorry.

but, IM TAKEN.

by Muhammad Iswan

long day baby!

2009-09-25T03:00:00.001+08:00

today was a bloody long day for me and bambam.

we had a ~~TEENSY WEENSY~~ quarrel yesterday.

he couldn’t believe i would wake up jus to meet him.

well, i did.

haha.

amek kau.

dari pagi tgk muke i, amcm? best?

hehehe.

hearts u la bambam.

send my phone for repair.

at of all places Simei?

KNN. tk perlu.

seriously.

how the hell syg im suppose to go take my phone?

haish.

ape la..Y?Y?Y?

anyways, back to OUR story.

we go JB.

petir wanted to eat A&W soo bad.

i hate it sia…not nice.

im still hungry after that, but what to do.

somebody suggested movie so yea.

we went to city square.

Aina and me chose the unbelievable.

freaking full of bull****.

i swear its nonsense.

don’t want to elaborate on the details.

movie ends around 11 plus i tynk.

so bambam sent me home , Petir and Aina also.

i was soo tired.

i spent more than 12 hours outside.

but still i smell good.

hmm..wonder whyyy.? *cheeky smile*

u know i know ehh by?

haha.

anyways , heart felt heavy when he rode off.

no idea why also.

ayah ask him to go in,

but Aina has to go home.

too bad syg.

next time then.

im always praying he reach home safe.

Hearts u much bambam. (:

hari raye..hari mulia…

2009-09-21T02:31:00.001+08:00

heres the photo updates yaw..

LOL.

first up is the preparations.

cook outside..fucking cool.

my dad’s cooking..awesome…alot siaa.

today’s photos , not in the mood to camwhore.

in the car . sempat..

ehehe..everyone say “tembamnyer Shana…”(tgkla matair die sape)

i dunno why mus i blink..pfftt.

last house , but still look awesome.

Selamat Hari Raye.

2009-09-20T02:57:00.001+08:00

On this special day ,

where the fasting month ends ,

the devils are let loose .

every muslim celebrates the day ,

forgiving each other ,asking for blessings from the elders .

a few months ago ,i’ve lost 2 closest person.

Everytime , the Azan is played .

my heart aches , sadness fills my soul .

this year Bak is not here to celebrate with us ,

nyang passed away 1 month after.

semoga tuhan mencucuri roh Bak .

Shana selalu doakan yang terbaik untuk Bak.

Walaupun Shana tk pernah tunjuk yang Shana sayang Bak ,

you are always in my heart ,

i remember the days at every family gathering ,

every Hari Raya ,

you never fail to hug and kiss my forehead ,

jus like Ayah.

he reminds me so much of you.

even this very house bears so many memories of you.

Bak jgn ingat kite lupe Bak tau.

Shana sedih Bak tkder nanti kat rumah Aunt Ina.

tapi ape kan daye.

Tuhan lagi sayangkan Bak.

i will always remember your smile.

and the last moments i saw you at the hospital.

sampai skrg Shana ingat, terkilan,

Shana terlambat.nk tgk Bak.

i came 1 minute too late.

sebak dade ni teringat yang Shana terlambat.

maafkan Shana eh Bak.

btw , Mak miss you so much.

Everyone miss you soo much .

Insyaallah , nanti Shana ajak Ayah pegi kubur tgk Bak.

Assalamualaikum.

bambambambam

2009-09-18T04:45:00.001+08:00

too much happened.

too long to put in words.

so long story short.

i love my life now.

i met my bambam jus now , but only for awhile.

he then send me to Outram cos he need go to work.

i was so sadd when he left.

i wanted him to stay ,

be with me ,

cos it hurts to see him leave ,

every step away from him

felt a thousand miles .

i felt like reaching out to him.

say that i love him.

i will always be thinking of him.

but what can i do ,

he already rode off ,

leaving with my heart ,

stealing my breath away .

baby ,

i jus wan you to know ,

when we kiss,

my heart flutters,

my insides turned mushy,

my eyes closed ,

wanting you more ,

you made me longing&wanting for u ,

cos we shared a kiss so passionate ,

i could feel the fire when our skins touch.

let your flame of love burn ,

not for anyone else but me.

so linger on longer baby ,

like my everlasting Gucci perfume.

i wanna hold your hands and tell u to never leave me.

i wanna be your sunshine , your star .

cos u’ll be my shooting star in my heart .

forever and always .

chat with me also can sleep..cute rite?

tis one cuter.

like teddy bear.

LOL.

b’dae celebration was a blast.

thanks baby!

i really appreciate every little thing you did for me.

love you sayang.

19 already.

2009-09-15T08:03:00.001+08:00

yay.

happy birthday to me.

happy birthday to me,

happy birthday to Shana.

happy birthday to me.

going out with bambam later.

WITH , suprisingly Haiqal and gf.

pssst ,

bambam stayed till 12 jus to wish me happy birthday!.

thanks babybams .

u mean so much to me.

hope we can last long and yea.

u still owe me pressie!

heehee (:

Love , S

1 4 S e p t

2009-09-14T23:30:00.000+08:00

pathetic sia.

sing myself.

LOL.

bambam came over jus now.

he go cut hair ,

then we go Pelangi buke with my family.

advance celebration with family la katekan.

YAY!

then we go buy mini fireworks at Kampung Melayu.

bambam came along too ,

*smiles widely*

i swear the “bunga api” are noisy..

haha.

damn funn.

preparations.

2009-09-14T04:27:00.001+08:00

first of all , i gotta say i miss babyboo alot2.

heehee.

second thing is , i made kuih today.

im proud of myself.

cheyy.!!

i made Honey Cornflakes & Chocolate cornflakes.

awesome la sey..! sedap nk mams.!

tomorrow maybe more to come.

i dunno why , but miss miss my bambam.

i bake kuih also think abt him.

until i burnt my first batch of Honey cornflakes.

haiyaa.

summore mummy say cannot meet for 1 whole week?

oh dear ,

be missing him much?

today kuih making involves alot of hassle.

need to go out buy the ingredients.

but one major ingredient out of stock.

wah lao.

so cannot doo..

its now morning.

my mind blank already.

i haf no bloody idea what to blog about.

and and and ,

Hari raye is jus around the corner!

woots ~

can’t wait to wear my sexy kebaya.

HOT pink + black = SEXYY!!!

heehee.

while blogging ,

me and bambam planning already wan go club.

yay yay!

shana happy la seyy!

i tynk we going Rebel.

we’re gonna have a blast seyy!

kk ,

finish puasa den can talk k shana?

LOL.

excited laa ..

i always look forward to have this kind of outings

with my bambam .

he always makes me happy.

don’t you bambam?

pssttt..

want see us webcam-ing?

LOL.

he damn cute with the baju .

hee hee.

mcm nk bite jer pipi dier.

heart to heart.

2009-09-13T06:48:00.001+08:00

i was sad , yes.

cos i didn’t get to go meet lollipops at Far East.

dissappointed + frust + angry = ???

anyways ,

despite being upset.

i had a heart to heart talk with bambam.

he was being soo sweet.

i was touched.

every word meant so much to me.

i couldn’t believe for a second it was him.

i felt soo loved.

and everytime i hear Be with you by akon ,

his face will always appear in my mind.

i will go crazy ,

smile to myself .

if my heart could smile ,

it’ll be dancing and singing .

hehx.

he told me the real reasons why he can’t be with me yet.

taking things slow.

the more he opened up to me.

the more i see the real Iswan.

you are whom i can say .

beautiful inside and the outside .

godd.

im falling baby ,

falling hard for you.

he’s simply the best.

woohooo!

i love you syg!

weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee~

wa cinta sama lu la bambam!.

hehehhehee..

muahhh!!!!

angry bambam.

2009-09-12T05:18:00.001+08:00

i find it hard at times.

im a naturally hot tempered person.

i tried my best to keep it in.

to not raise my voice at you.

but i end up saying things which hurts you more.

i sayang my bambam.

but sometimes baby ,

you’re just too much .

like jus now ,

i was soo hurt .

but i keep it in.

so i told myself : fire + fire = disaster .

funny thing is ,

quarrel happens if we never meet .

he’s one hell of a guy.

i like!

stubborn, hothead , firm .

jus like what i’ve wanted .

cos finally ,

i’ve found my match.

your my fire , whenever you wanna be.

as hard as it may seem to be ,

i wanna be the ice to cool you down ,

make u smile and never frown .

cos when you smile ,

your like the brightest star in my dark nights.

your love gave the will to live again ,

you filled so my soul with joy i can nvr gain.

and for that ,

imma shine your life with my light of love ,

an eternal flame which last till 4ever.

and for all i know ,

you are what it seems to be ,

my life , my future and my present .

blank .

2009-09-10T03:39:00.001+08:00

wad to blog about?

that i miss bambam alot?

woah..nowadays all about my bambam.

hehe.

but posts abt missing him is the most.

LOL.

im hungry..

but teres no food.

superr sad..

err…

i think maggi is my best choice for now.

tomorrow must puasa okayy shana.?

weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

later jumper bambam!!!!!

yay!

k bye.

touched + melt

2009-09-09T05:37:00.002+08:00

haha.

guess wad.

we’re still not together yet.

Officially.

but im still happy.

he was being a pain at one moment.

but he blew me away with his words the next.

how can i not fall head over heels for my bambam?

im still waiting for the day when we’ll be together.

as in really , really together.

his words were simple, pure yet simple.

it moved me to tears.

can u believe it?

Shana cried when her bambam sweet talks to her.

it takes alot for make me feel touched.

but he did, i couldn’t believe my eyes.

if he were to say it face to face ,

i think i would have fainted.

first ,

he ask me :

am i your mr brightside or darkside by?

am i your dark knight or dark angel?

am i your kotex who rescue you in an emergency?

am i your chocolate who satisfy you?

am i your soap who freshens you up?

am i your bed and pillow to comfort you?

am i your bra who upholds your happiness?

am i your hairdryer who dries your sadness away?

what i reply?=) .

no need to know laa..

he knows good enough already.

right love?

“ all these sweet words are not empty ,

its just for you ,

from me .

to show what my heart says .”

oh , heres another.

“baby lock me up in your heart ,

cos i’ve already locked you up

in this small heart shaped prison of mine .

and i’ve threw the key deep down in the ocean ,

and you have nowhere to go

but here with me ,

in me ,

by me ,

and on me all the time .”

i was soo touched.

i almost went crazy.

if only he's here with me.

i would have kissed his adorable chubby cheeks.

im happy.

more than happy.

Ecstatic.

your my ecstasy ,

cos im addicted to your love baby.

iloveyou!iloveyou!iloveyou!

regret.

2009-09-07T09:12:00.000+08:00

my head keep spinning.

i was lost for words.

the last person i want to upset is YOU.

i am filled with endless resentment.

i regret what i’ve done.

i was too blind to see ,

that you cared soo much for me.

i never meant to hurt you.

i promise to let you down ,

But i did .

no words can express sorry i am.

words are not enough ,

never enough .

now that you’ve won my heart

i promise i’ll change for the better .

cos it hurts bad enough to even hear ,

that you’ll be gone .

but it’ll hurt even more to see you walk away from me.

don’t leave me baby .

cos i truly do cherish you with all my heart .

And you’ll always and forever be my bambam.

webcam + Iswan = Happy!

2009-09-07T04:38:00.000+08:00

yes ah! baby’s back.

you adorable walking teddy bear.!

i was so worried.

haiyoo!

miss u much la pantat…

see…

told u right quarrel?

anyways,

you should know

im always thinking about you.

yes , we used to be schoolmates.

we had a thing once.

but i chose to ignore.

you came back

and it seems like our love blossoms

now that i know the true you.

you’ve me fall head over sneakers for you.

and now that my heart is yours.

i promise to never let you go

ever , ever and ever .

miss + rindu + marah + angry = shana

2009-09-07T02:15:00.001+08:00

i miss you.

but i can’t bring myself to smile.

im not angry, like ~~madmad.~~

jus angry that my bambam cannot stay at home even for a day.

of course i won’t say im angry when he wants to go out.

but at 12 midnight? hmm.

and your headlight’s busted.

ride safe my dear, i swear im ~~dead~~ worried now.

what kind of gf am i if im not worried?

but im not the type who controls or too overprotective.

i dunno why , but i don’t like to voice out my unhappiness.

cause from what i know , it’ll end up with a quarrel.

so i prefer to keep quiet.

best this way , ryte?

come home soon bambam.

missing you loads.

strange , when i was working. you made such a fuss , asking me to quit. Cos im always not at home. Not enough time to spend with the family. Now im at home, i have got nothing to do seriously. You still make noise?Gosh, mothers. Or shall i say older women. can they not make up their mind and say exactly what they want? aku keliruuuuuu siol.

shana was superr bored..

2009-09-06T03:58:00.003+08:00

i miss baby.

like alot alot.

i waited for him to end work.

reach home and go online , jus to see his face.

haha. soo cute la kann..

adui.

rindu banget dehh.

i jus met him yesterday , and i miss him soo bad.

how like dat.?

and we stay fucking far from each other.

cannot take it.

don’t worry okay.?

i promise you this ,

that i’ll be by urside no matter what happens

i want u trust me with all your heart ,

and love me like u never before.

cos u know why ?

you my CINTA .

issues.

2009-09-05T02:21:00.000+08:00

this is what you call LIFE

one time your at the top,

admiring your view after the climb from the downfall,

you found yourself at the bottom again covered in dirt. why?

cause im dumb to slip and fall headfirst.

so lesson learnt is?

i dunno , i dun care.

call me Miss Tktau smuer.

some problems can nvr be avoided.

why?

beats me.

jus when i thought i was the happiest person on Earth.

sulk . sulk . sulk .

RH haven’t call yet.

or cannot get through my phone.

i need a JOB.

Geylang la sey

2009-09-04T01:14:00.000+08:00

actually planned to stay home today.

but baby came over cause Haiqal ader.

haha.

shana is happy. veryy happy.

her bambam is happier to be with her.

kan by kan?

haha.

kelape abiss siaa…

but i was bored.

den we sat at the sofa and talk.

baby suggested we go ECP eat stingray.

plan punyer plan.

end up pat Geylang.

bukan Geylang lorong , Geylang Serai.

kecoh-rable.

both of us were Famished.

was already 8, we haven eat yet.

baby went to some kedai makan and ate spaghetti.

spaghetti tk sdap and mahal nk mampos.

“sedap pe by spaghetti $5.50?pastu sebat nasi goreng i?”

haha. joking k syg? tkmo makan hati. LOL.

i was like WTH??

go geylang eat spaghetti, end up changing dishes.

still hungry, we go on our search for

CHAR KUEH , ayam Madu&Percik , WaDEH.

baek pey barang…awesome la..

did i mention we saw alot people we know?

yea.. we did.

syiok.!!!

i tot my dad drive cab today.

so me and baby searched the whole fucking carpark.

and to no avail, dad’s car is not there.!

and to be continued…

fucking lazy to type.

i hate my memories.

2009-09-02T00:22:00.001+08:00

was clearing receipts in my wallet.

came across something which he wrote.

it made me felt so pissed.

wth.

i do not wan to remember him at all.

if only i could erase away all those memories.

your jus a part of my life i want to burn.

haha.

now im glad they left me.

cos if not nvr meet my darlingg chubb2 rite?

ehehehhee.

but i managed to leave all that ~~fucked up losers.~~

and im happy with chubb2 now.

we are not attached yet.

but he’d mine la.

both of us are single , but not available.

weeeee ~

syg u many2 okay chubb2?

today we never meet.

im very sadded , very the brokenn english.

im sure that word don’t even exist right? LOL.

we’r taking it slow , cos options might still be open? NOT!

we are jus happy the way we are.

beby ystd say , “i think from the looks of it , we can go far”

i was grinning from ear to ear. (:

when we go jalan2 at Jusco , people were staring.

i ask him why?know what he answer?

“kiter bru ikat ar, newlyweds..still fresh!” LMAO.

cute or what.. *smiles*

i really hope he’s my last.

cos im done searching.

hearts u much chubb2..!

and i MISS YOU LOADS!!

heehee.

awesome day with my chubb2.

2009-09-01T04:23:00.001+08:00

did i mention i almost hit my beby?

god forgive me for that, in this good month and day.

today was an accident prone day.

3 times i almost hit another car plus hit my BEBY.

gosh.

i was so careless, plus beby was in the car all those times.

i drove out to shell to fetch him , and we slack at home.

was coolios , i was happy all the time.

MUKE ADA SENYUMM!

we went for break fast near taman perlingg..

i drove so, he left his bike home.

we ate like never before, like literally.

alot alot of dishes.

i was soo full.

anyways, after the Feast .

we went to JUSCO and beby bougth new jacket.

looks nice on him.

hee-hee.

sayang u la beby!

ur my ride, my lover , my walking teddy bear.

im falling for you .

head over heels falling for you.

and im glad i did.

anyway,

im motherfucking tired now,

the whole day with hunny.

i enjoy every minute with you.

wheee…

bummed.

2009-08-31T02:07:00.000+08:00

didn’t i tell you?i said if u were to go i’d be upset. i am upset now.i’ll be in denial if i were to say im not. I dunno , maybe im having my moodswing or something.You know i adore right chubbs?i dun mean to be harsh to you. its jus that im jus upset you still went to the chalet despite knowing i’ll be upset. and you expect me to pretend im happy isit syg?i might be harsh or even rude at times. But deep inside i hearts you much, you know? the reason im mad is cos i care, too much.

been missing you pretty bad. jus reach home safe k love?

break fast at sedap corner.

2009-08-30T23:30:00.000+08:00

was webcam-ing with chubb2.

and at the same time getting ready to go buy FOOD.

i wear damn slack, t-shirt and jeans.

dad say we gonna eat out and its already 6.30.

tsktsktsk. *shakes head*

by the time i got myself ready already 6.45

lucky us, my dad drive like racer. hehs (:

anyways, we went for break fast at Sedap corner.

not soo the sedap. But we took the set meal anyway.

while waiting for the food, we talk and talk.

suddenly Nadzirah ask sang , “ku tk mau cintaku dikocok2…ah! ”

HAHA. hilarious mann.

everybody turned and look at our table.

i damn paisey.

finally the food came. Alas, indulge in local malaysian dish.

i’ve tasted better, thats for sure.

den, we went to Kotaraya.

i saw this shop sell polo tees.

damn nice.

tot of buying for baby ,we’ll see laa..

but the cute thing is,

my mum went into polo house.

she suggested us wear a couple shirt.

saying it will look nice when we ride bike. LOL.

cute or wad my mum!

now broke.

i still owe baby a new suspension.

I love you not only for what you are, but for what I am when I am with you. ~ Love Quote

my numba WAN...(:

2009-08-29T01:20:00.001+08:00

im happy.

he's happy.

we are happy.

is it too fast for me too date again? *thinking....*

nahh... tis is life..

n im enjoying every freaking minute of it.

went out with chubb2 yesterday..

was awesome..

he fetch me at Shell again..

and i was later for like 35 mins..

dun blame me baby , u said yourself i was worth the wait...

hehehe...oops...

anyways, den we go S'pore.

we go lepak at AMK.

we go break our fast at AMK banquet again..

chubb2 ordered Tom Yum for me...

damn nice.worth the money sia...

cost only 5.80 wif tom yum and 2 rice.

gt alot2 of mushroom , chicken , crab balls &stick .

chubb2 wanted my mp3, so i let him hear la..

he was speeding like one freaky speed devil.

thrilling BUT i almost peed in my pants cann?

a taxi cut into our lane and almost pushed us to the barrier.

lucky for us, chubb2 pick up speed and made it through.

i swear tt was memorable.

the more memorable one is the kiss by the riverside.

and we became cam whores today.

LOL . hilariously-superbly- funtastic!

you spoke those 3 magic words.

i was taken aback.

i didn't expect to hear it so soon.

those words felt so real and true.

wish i could say it back to you.

i gotta find that assurance in my heart .

cos i don't wanna rush.

i don't wanna lose you.

you mean so much to me...

i wanna be with you.

for now, later and forever . (:

my number one

2009-08-26T15:15:00.000+08:00

eversince da breakup i tot i'll nvr date again. but someone showed me the meaning of happiness once again. I was alive, i made jokes!and people actually laugh. i felt so happy and satisfied that im back to myself again. days passed and fasting month was like around the corner. Im still me , Shana. I was again up to my normal mischief. And believe me. I miss being bad, a rebel. But not to the point of beyond repair. Jus a normal way to show that im still a teenager. I still gotta live baby. My new date whom i shall not reveal till we are serious was there all the way. He made me laugh , excited , he showed me the thrill of going beyond the limits of riding a bike. I am happy. But being a normal human being feelings develop. Im scared to go another level cos i dun wanna kill what we have. He's neither too good looking nor not good looking. He's jus fine the way he is. His bike is superr hott..for the first someone who loves me for who i am. Im tired of pleasing boys. My turn now to be pampered . im seriously looking forward to the life with him. Hope what we have last longg. i ain't gonna put too high hopes. He's my shooting star and he's my favourite. my iswan , my numba one!

new found LOVE

2009-08-25T15:13:00.000+08:00

the reason y id un update is that blogging reminds me soo much of him..i tried my best to forget him...i did what i could and i managed to get him outta my head.That would be for now i guess. Life has pretty much been a whole roller coaster ..more of the downs than ups actually. Im pretty dissappointed with my life. I couldn't believe i threw my life for that someone. What a joke. i thought he was my last. But he ends up being a jerk. more than that i think. I gave myself to him, wishing he would do more for me. you are such a dissappointment. I think the label STMF suits you pretty well. Gave me false hope, and me being such a good gerlfren trusted you with all my heart. In the end , you gave me shit. Im actually glad you left me though. I've move on and dating people. And you know what im actually happy with him. And i tot evrsince u left , i will never be happy. Bullshitt... anyways, kudos to me for gaining back the strength i lost. When you fall down in life, pick yourself up and brush the DIRT off.

stronger

2009-08-10T15:10:00.000+08:00

im getting stronger everyday.

i jus dunno how to cope.

im putting my past behind me.

cos he's jus a wonderful dream in mylife

which last only for awhile.

i tried hard and waited long enough.

only to be let down by his coldness.

i tried to think the best of him.

but all thats bad overwhelms the good.

so yeaa.

if i were to weigh it out.

he's not for keeps.

so cheer up love.

you can do it.

you have many people who loves you in ur life.

embrace them for what they are worth.

but no matter what ,

no one can heal that huge and nasty scar u left in my heart.

im now a strong individual.

i have my dreams to chase.

im gonna enrol for bike license.

of course pass faster than him.

and pass the first TP.

and WOHOOOOO!!!

im a free womann!

yeaaa!

i have boys to date =)

i got my project to keep me busy.

i have other friends who WANTS my attention.

so yeaa.

wth.

y am i wasting my time crying over you.

your jus a normal guy.

and i bet theres plenty like you out there.

im too precious to be wasted.

get that in your head mister.

shana's back.

Second time round

2009-07-29T23:04:00.000+08:00

faking my love ,
faking a smile ,
wishing that hurtful feeling would stop ,
your face brings back the bad memories.
which continues to haunt me.
too much words left unsaid ,
u left me no choice .

Oh oh oh yeah
Babe

Last time I though we have this talk
Boy you were getting ready to leave
I thought baby you have done
Cause for a while you can barely look at me.

This time I thought that we`d be fine
That I`d forget the things that you said
I tried crossing out your words

But baby you can not forget the past (x2)
Still baby

Chorus:

I’m so unpredictable
you don’t know what to think
So unemotional
Wonder if I’m even still in love
You see
I don’t know what to tell you now
Is always harder the second time around

Im so unpredictable
Just like you used to be
So unemotional
Boy I can forget the way you were with me
I don’t know what to tell you now
Its always harder
the second time around (x2)

We tried going back to Joe’s
That always was our favourite place
Long rides baby by the coast
Do you remember where we sit

Last time we where hanging out
You were acting kind of strange
Now it’s the second time around
I’m sorry now it’s me that feels this way
Its me that feels this way, babe

I now you are the one that is hurt

Chorus:

I’m so unpredictable
You don’t know what to think
So unemotional
Wonder if I’m even still in love
You see
I don’t know what to tell you now
Is always harder the second time around

Im so unpredictable
Just like you used to be
So unemotional
Boy I can forget the way you were with me
I don’t know what to tell you now
Its always harder
the second time around

I`m not sure the best way to say this
But I can’t pretend to love you no more babe
This ferris wheel`s got me crazy
Maybe the second time around is not meant for us babe
Not mean for us babe yeah!

Repeat chorus (x2)

play BUBBLE.

2009-07-15T01:02:00.002+08:00

lots of it.

you said u were sick.

where did you gathered the strength to argue?

someone wanted me more than u do.

i wanted to give u more.

but u chose to shut close.

not letting me in.

why?

i dunno for sure.

but im sad.

heartbrokenn.

beatean down to the very bit.

u said i was pathetic.

cause i told u missing u was a torture.

how could u be so heartless.

nvr in my life have i missed so much.

so much, ur silence.

it hurts soo bad.

i couldn't hold back my tears.

why were u so cruel?

what did i do to deserve this?

for now til then all i can do is wait.

pray to Allah he gives me back my strength.

my will to move on.

i want to be free.

2009-07-12T01:32:00.003+08:00

weird day.

miss him too much.

emotions became a blunder.

mixed up.

i was lost in thoughts.

i never had the courage to remain calm.

to pretend nothing ever happens.

ah shucks.

fuck you.

miserable and speechless.

spoken like a true pathetic.

random post. had to let it out.

2009-07-11T06:36:00.002+08:00

being in a relationship is more than this,

i want to be treated like a girlfriend.

words dun heal my wounds.

after what you did,

have you nvr thought of trying to win my love back?

do you think after all those i could still love u the same?

the answer is NO.

the more i feel that our chemistry is gone,

the more i feel like giving up.

my heart is numb.

theres nothing i could feel now.

im torn between the need of freedom & attention.

i miss you, i truly do.

i do want to meet you.

everytime u turn down my needs.

i found you are worth nothing more than a friend.

"i love you" sent through sms are much worst.

i believe that our love is now gone.

cos you took back your love,

gave it to someone else,

leaving my love lingering around ,

strong and true.

i tried my best.

i tot i could love u back.

but it seems that someone else has captured my heart.

now im lost.

cos it seems that you never did deserve my love.

monthsary.?

2009-07-09T11:43:00.000+08:00

Happy 8 monthsary baby!

no calls, no msg.

still,

i LOVE you.

i MISS you.

longing, yearning.

2009-07-08T21:46:00.000+08:00

i miss you.

things are never the same.

hidup ini penuh cabaran,

yang cukup menyiksakan.

terpaksa ku lalui dengan keredhaan,

yang mampu dengan hati dan jiwa ini.

ku dibuai mimpi indah,

yang tk pernah luput dalam sanubari.

kaulah cinta yang satu dan akhir,

hanya dapat ku balas dengan cinta yang tulus di hati,

hanya yang ku pinta,

cinta yang suci dan sejati darimu,

kerana hanya namamu yang bertakhta di hatiku ini.

* straight from the heart, someday i do wish to be a writer.

ur choice. her or me?

2009-07-08T00:38:00.002+08:00

she seems to mean more than i do to you.

y does it always have to end with me being hurt.

u kept on going rubbing salt to my wound.

i ahve no ther choice but to let it out.

i tried to contain,

contain even the most deepest and hurtful-ness.

you care?

no you don't.

our lives seem to be fine without her in your life.

now that she appeared.

u pushed me away.

i stand nowhere near where she is in your heart.

how could you say that?

i tried to sleep it off.

thinking tomorrow would be a new day.

u kept haunting me with your words.

how could i live?

like i said.

its up to me and my heart if im willing to accept u back again.

don't do this to me.

im done being hurt.

i tried my best to be who u want me to be.

i can never be like her.

NEVER. NEVER. NEVER.

i tried to explain things to you.

but you tend to be selfish.

u made yourself not to hear me out.

and now that the ugly truth is out.

you blamed it on me.

saying that i created this trouble.

i am the cause for everything.

have u ever sat down and THINK?

wad are your own mistakes.

how fucking big fuck are you not to realise yours,

but realise others and point them out str8 to ur face.?

fuck it mann.

im sick of this.

i jus wanna lay down and die.

trust?dead and gone.

2009-07-01T04:20:00.002+08:00

wheres ur trust for me.
damn.
one minute u left hanging ,
all of a sudden u came back.
i can't change in a blink.
im still a human.
dun come to me saying i dun preach what i say.
tts just bull.

fly solo?
fly la kauu.
):

tot u changed.
jus wanna tell u that i've had enuf heartbreaks from u.
dun push me till finally i one day,
i come down crumbling to pieces ,
when i will jus say im sorry, i give up.
let my heart rest for awhile kenn?
if ur not willing to go beck with me.
please say it .
i still doubt how much u still love me.

i wonder.?

2009-06-29T01:20:00.002+08:00

i feel abit weird.

no offence babylove.

things are not the same.

though i prefer when we are not together.

but the love i feel for you is strong.

maybe bcos of some unheal wounds.

NOW i feel funny.

its like so sudden u ask for patch.

so not prepared.

so the wrong timing.

i wonder if we still can be like we are last time.

maybe, maybe not.

fine then if i carry the baby gives u the wrong impression.

dun regret if i change.

peace.

2009-06-28T16:34:00.002+08:00

bbQ was awesome.

despite having to leave early.

was actually suppose to be cousins outing only.

but wth.

its aiite.

hermy tagged along.

mcm kesian gitu at first.

i didn't want him to feel unwanted.

but the whole bloody thing felt so awkward.

but ok luhh.

somebody managed to fit in la.

which is good.

watch sunset with Rin instead of him.

good things always come to an end.

we had to go.

hermy tktau hilang ke mane.

i was pissed.

haha.

even kak manjer knows.

LOL.

anyways.

hermy ask for patch in the car.

rite after i saw something.

i dun believe it.

but we'll see how it goes.

i am jus getting used to not being with him for 1 month already.

err.

dunnno la.

friday nite outs.

2009-06-26T16:01:00.000+08:00

school is funn.

especially with andy sim.

lurve his class sia.

yessa!

hermy came back today.

i was so overjoyed.

wth for ryte?

he's not mine anymore.

pfft.

wadevr.

rushed off to lavender to get my new passport.

met Ady and the others.

lucky they teman.

siann ehh go alone.

we go shopping at town.

den go shisha.

awesome.

i do haf a life.

i learnt my lesson.

nvr to give ur heart out till u really get married.

for NOW, no strings attached.

hermy.

2009-06-24T21:19:00.003+08:00

i miss you.
i need you.
i want you.

i still love you.

missing you like crazy.
cos everywhere i go.
memories flood my mind,
that painful stab in the chest reminds me,
how much you mean to me.
and now that your not here with me,
i crave your love and attention.
not forgetting,
that heartbreaking smile of yours.

(:

hope?

2009-06-23T15:17:00.002+08:00

things happen,
life i smeant to be.
my love for you will stay strong.
for i will pray for that day,
you will soon come back to me.
but i doubt that to be.
cos u wan to be free.
im not holding u back.
cos i myself can't relax.
been missing u soo much.
i'll pray to god you'll always be safe.
no one else would ever be able to replace u in my heart.

life . happy . boyfriend .

2009-06-09T18:04:00.001+08:00

Happy 7 months baby

Hey boncet.You have always been my one and only babyboncet and will always be. I love you so much. Nothing can ever replace my love for you. Last week has been a rough patch for us. I couldn’t believe i was so close to losing you. But what you did was an eye opener for me. It made me realise how much i loved you. It made me realise how miserable i felt without you in my life.Thanx for making me realise. Like you know, I’ve done an equal share of heartbreaks and loving towards you. Until today, im still trying to adapt to your changes. No words can describe how i feel at this moment of time. I’m struggling to even find words to write. I spend the whole week thinking about you. Trying to sort things out, get my head on. I tried to set my priorities straight. I did manage to accomplish some task set aside for myself. I know i took you for granted and all that but it made me realise that you are not mine yet. We are jus in love. But that doesn’t make you officially mine. I was too selfish. I hadn’t thought about you at all. I’ve changed now baby. Im a better person. I love you so much. My heart has never betrayed me before and i know it still beats of no other but your name. Its been so long we go out for a real date. Biler by? A night out jus you and me. I swear i missed you dearly. Im jus glad we stayed strong and still together now. I jus know this baby. No one can replace your place. No one. If you were to go, I’ll still wait for you. Your my one priceless treasure, my one and only champion in my heart. Just promise me this, you’ll never leave me.

i miss baby.

2009-06-04T16:00:00.002+08:00

bacenn!
saya kangen sama kamu dehh.!!
kapan mau jumpa samae gue..
haha.
wtf.
wads wrong with me.
im going crazy.

i miss you.!
i miss you.!

*at Dilly's house.
(sulking in process)

i think im doing better today.
thanx to Dilly.
OMG.
i so miss my friends.

i'm so helpless without you.

2009-06-03T03:26:00.000+08:00

I am so sorry baby. I took you for granted. I love you too much. Please don’t go. You are my sunshine baby. I thought we promised each other to wipe each other tear when anyone of us cries? I miss your kindness. I might seem helpless right now. Im literally not obliged to beg you on my knees. I am so sorry for not making you happy. Im sorry for not being there when you need me. Im just so useless. I accuse you of so many things yet you stayed true to me. Giving me your silly smile when things go wrong. You held me close, saying everything’s gonna be okay. Why? Cause Hermy’s here for you. Im so restless. I would give anything to be with you right now. I’m just wondering why. Why now when things go bad you turn your back on me? I swear baby. Your my only source of happiness. Without you, i swear i will spoil myself. I can’t sleep. I can’t stop thinking what happens if you leave me. I was blind baby, you showered me with so much love, care and attention. I thought no matter how bad i treat you you won’t leave me. I was wrong. You are still a human. You dun deserve to be treated that way. Until when you say i will continue on this way? I hope it stops here right now. I want to be the one you love now , later and forever. Please give me one more chance? This will be the last and final test to see how much i love you. If things still don’t stays the same. I won’t stand in your way. I’ll rather you leave me than torture me by neglecting me. Is this a test baby? If it is, please end it now. I missed you too much. Theres not much my heart can handle. I yearn for your hugs. I want to be held by you. Im really sorry for hurting you all this while sey. I didn’t realise. When i read through all our MSN convo. I was always being grumpy. No wonder you don’t look forward to meet me anymore. I don’t care baby. I will change for YOU. Cause i love you soo much. Do i deserve your love still? Only you hold the answer baby.

meow meow.

2009-06-02T18:15:00.000+08:00

honeyyy....i want his kittenn...can can?
pretty please?
love you baby.

heres ur photos people.

2009-06-02T03:35:00.000+08:00

View Full Album

forgive me Hermy.

2009-06-02T03:04:00.001+08:00

dun leave me baby.
i still need you.
im human.
i've done wrong i never realise.
forgive me baby.
please?
i beg you.
im really sorry.
i promise i'll control my anger.
i can't sleep.
fearing i'll wake up and not have you with me.
byy...
nanak leave me k?
i love you so much.

MLC gathering.

2009-05-30T21:57:00.000+08:00

Paman treat us Sakura Buffet at Orchard. Was awesome. I ate alot. Haha. talk alot too uh. Heres the pics. Enjoy.!

Michael Jackson , You are not alone

2009-05-25T23:17:00.001+08:00

i heard this in baby’s phone. So sweet i’ve been looking for this song ever snce. can u believe it?im listening to michael jackson. This song is so sweet. Im feeling lovey dovey ryte now. so yeaa. missing babylove badly. all i wanna say is that you are not alone baby. im always here for you. And yea though im far apart, you’ll always be in my heart. i cut hair today. yeaa..

Another day has gone
I'm still all alone
How could this be
You're not here with me
You never said goodbye
Someone tell me why
Did you have to go
And leave my world so cold

Everyday I sit and ask myself
How did love slip away
Something whispers in my ear and says
That you are not alone
For I am here with you
Though you're far away
I am here to stay
But you are not alone
For I am here with you
Though we're far apart
You're always in my heart
But you are not alone

'Lone, 'lone
Why, 'lone

Just the other night
I thought I heard you cry
Asking me to come
And hold you in my arms
I can hear your prayers
Your burdens I will bear
But first I need your hand
Then forever can begin

Everyday I sit and ask myself
How did love slip away
Something whispers in my ear and says
That you are not alone
For I am here with you
Though you're far away
I am here to stay
For you are not alone
For I am here with you
Though we're far apart
You're always in my heart
For you are not alone

Whisper three words and I'll come runnin'
And girl you know that I'll be there
I'll be there

You are not alone
For I am here with you
Though you're far away
I am here to stay
For you are not alone
For I am here with you
Though we're far apart
You're always in my heart

For you are not alone
For I am here with you
Though you're far away
I am here to stay

For you are not alone
For I am here with you
Though we're far apart
You're always in my heart

For you are not alone...

a day out.

2009-05-24T23:40:00.002+08:00

jus came back.
lalallala.
awesome day.
but got to but skirts only.
wish i could jus sit & stare at ur face all day long.
i miss snuggling in ur neck.
whisper "our" language and make u smile.
love you much yea baby?
but you know, at times.
i jus can't help but be angry at you.

2009-05-19T23:07:00.002+08:00

what kind of m@#$%* are you?
never have i imagine to be so cold, heartless?
i have never ignored, yet neglected you when you are sick?
i have lived with you for almost 19 years.
have i not earn tat teensy bit of caring from you?
how can any ------- ignore her own FUCKING d_____ is lying alone in her room.
god knows i could be dying.
u did not even give me medicine let alone water.
i was so helpless.
all you cares was mr green.
fuck you for that.
wheres is that tenderness, soft hearted, sweet natured soul in you?
i dun pray and im a walking wreck.
but, u pray .
but still so hard headed.
i bet if i hit you with a metal rod, the rod will bent.
it will bloody crumble to pieces.
when u were sick, i did my best.
tried to make u feel good.
cook, gave u medicine, drive u to the clinic.
im not being an ass . not even being calculative.
do i have to DIE for u to care?
i listened to you, heed ur every werds.
how could you do tis to me?
u broke my heart.
i swear from this day onwards , u shall always be seen as a selfish @#$%&*.
what have i done wrong?
do i deserve to be blame for everything?
everyday, u do tis to me?
i tot for once, u will smile when you see me.
u dun haf to point out that is my responsibility.
I KNOW. DAMN IT.
u keep saying u haf to werk to find the money for my driving?
wth.
i dun need the license just yet.
i want to use my own money.
but u insist.
this is why, i refused.
i didn't even ask for money.
even if i know teres not enough in my a/c

stress bodoh aku.
do i have to live my life pleasing people?
putting their needs ahead of me?
my mother made my life miserable.
Y? cos she made me stay in motherfucking JOHORE.
basically cutting off all forms of communications with my friends.
my gerlfriends can't even call me for a gerl's outing.

Describe a typical school day.

2009-05-15T18:39:00.000+08:00

my day? well. it starts off with Dad shouting to wake us up at 6am to avoid the jam. Bloody fucking annoying. I hate to get my sleep disturbed. I have no choice but to rise to the dusk. Wake up, drag myself to the shower and yeahh. take my time to get ready, lotsa foundation and eye make up that oh-so- awful eyebags. I’d anything to rid the eyebags yaw. I swear i love to make my mum scream cos i love taking my time. Looking good takes time. Am i right girls? First thing when i reach homeground is holler my babylove. i so love him. his smile, his sexy brown eyes and that adorable long eyelash that makes me go crazy just looking at him. hee hee. can’t help it baby. he has the most awesome chest a girl can ever lie on. The way his chin rest on my head, and his muscular *ehem ehem* arms holds me tight when i hug him feels so right , wish i could capture tat moment to make it last forever. Back to reality baby. I go to school, he fetch me at Woodlands after school. Meet my daddy go have our quick bites sumwhere. the day ends when i reach home, go up that bloody stairs to my solace. Its pretty boring. I want to stay in school do my werk. But what to do. i hate going back myself cos its such a burden. I hate the stench of people from werk. i almost fainted that day. so much for being a tough cookie huh shana. I’m such a loser. I swear i can’t stand disgusting things. Baby knows. But still he insisted on testing my limits. I’m sure one day, he’ll stop trying when i give him a whole bucket of puke in the face.

botanic garden .

2009-05-12T23:14:00.000+08:00

our date. cos we promised each other we’ll go to botanic one day. baby is hott. i love him siaa. woots~ keep going for practice for his bike license. so cute. i know u worried laa. heehee. im just very excited to be ur pillion. i shall be ur one a nd only pillion. nobody else can sit behind u. ade paham? love u baby. i ahd so much funn. it was hilarious cos baby likes to do stupid stuff. he even sang hindustan song while walking. damn! my baby is crazy. but what to do. he’s still mine , and i love him slot.

sayang kamu banyak2!

2009-05-10T13:36:00.001+08:00

a picture speaks a thousand werds. so yeaa. im gonna try to express my love to you through pictures .

this is the love of my life, squtting on a rock. LOLs.

oh yes, i love cookies and cream.!!!

Happy 6 months baby

2009-05-09T23:13:00.000+08:00

woots..! awesome lehh. 6 months already. despit being the most childish couple i have ever known. we rocked at being two crazy lovers. when i say crazy i mean in every ways i could even imagine. Even if its been so long since we lovelove. i still can feel the connection between us. The attraction is very in deniable. i can’t keep myself thinking about baby everytime. Its like mental torture. cos i keep wanting to kiss him no matter where we are. I know he’s worth kissing. Every bit of my lips. I truly deeply love him. Saying this deep from the bottom of my heart. how can i lie about sumtynk like that? LOL. he knows i love none other than him. thats y, somebody is so proud to tell the whole world she loves her boyfriend. BUT, dunno y he dun let me kiss him when he fetch me from school. Kau weird kaperr.. anyways, i really appreciate every little time and effort you did something for me. Be it tapau- ing food or fetching. All these little actions meant so much for me. Love you baby boo. LALALALA.! i know we’ll last long. hope we can endure wadever shit that comes our way. like said, life is like a dick . if it gets hard , FUCK IT. lol . love you Hermy.!

why? why?

2009-05-07T00:21:00.001+08:00

its weird how some people can enter ur life and make a change out of you. u appeared in my life giving me back all that i could ever ask for. i jus do not know for sure. i jus ask for one small fucking favour from you. I lost. u always winn. Happy now? for once, i jus wanna be myself. have funn with you. I got frenns more warak den u la. But skali2 pon tau jugak haf funn. My life is so BORING. MUNDANE. no LIFE. y? cos it revolves around you only. dun trust me enuf? ur lost. i can say no more. some times it hurts more when u try so hard to pujuk. i dun feel a thing. u can’t blame me can you? guess not. im sorry. im jus dissappointed. not tat i dun wanna talk to u.

PISSED .

2009-05-03T02:31:00.001+08:00

thanks ehh. gatal nak mampos. waduh. suruh org gigit lagi. Ur so gonna get it from me. Lu take care ehh. siall . pukimak haram nyer sundal.

random love quotes.

2009-05-01T21:47:00.001+08:00

i miss babylove like so much. Everytime i do nothing that adorable face of his will creep into my mind . That thought will linger till my heart ached cos i miss him so. I wouldn’t know what will i do if he’s no longer in my life. Anyway, enjoy cos im done typing. Let me spent my whole miserable time missing my cute + HOTT boifrreenn.

EScuzayy mwahh.!!!

my life, my love, my soul.

2009-04-30T01:15:00.001+08:00

ur my damn cute boifiee!

hehe. yea. i did get upset laa. but tat was jus for a few teensy weensy minute. I love u baby. I tried my best baby. But still time catches ahead of me. I am not werking. So that is all i can afford la. Im so sorry. I did my best. Anyways, important thing is tat you know i love you more than anything. Bought baby cake and we went to pastamania for our dinner. Not badd la. Quite nice. But the burp smell that came out from both of us was enuf to turn us off. Damnn. nasty smell. LOL. i cudn’t help but laugh till i cried. I enjoy every moment spent with babylove. I jus miss the blissful moments we had together. Now, the kiss i get only last less than 5 secs. sadd or wadd. yeaa.

cookies and cream. small but $$$

my babylove , cutting cakem..

mr comot mamam cake.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY BABY!

2009-04-28T00:19:00.001+08:00

happy birthday to you.
happy birthday to you.

happy birthday ,
to HERMY ROSLI!
happy birthday to you.

woohoo! my baby 20 already! old sey. GOt number 2 infront already. LOL. Love you baby. And wow time flies fast when ur having funn. Thanx for the movie jus now. It was awesome. Even though there were countless times where i was shocked. I still remember when i wanted to do a keeper dive during the last part. Heehee. damn hilarious. Suke u eh, ketawer kan i. ANyways, on this special day. I just hope for the best for you and may you face your future endeavors with a wide smile and more patience. Hehe. I love you loads. Da tklea mcm boy lagi tau, da 20. must act more matured, not that you are immatured la. your the only babybacen i love. muarcks!

hope for the best

2009-04-25T18:32:00.000+08:00

been away for the past few days cos my grandmother is sick. I have no idea why people i cherish are slipping or have already slip from my life. I don't even haf the time to spend time to say how much they mean to me or jus to be there with them much longer. I missed blinfold hero's gig on saturday. But its okay. Its for the sake of sum1 i love. gotta go.! won't be online for long. will be at grandma's place. with NO internet. DAMN.

i promise .

2009-04-23T02:50:00.001+08:00

like i’ve said. I never meant to hurt you. I dunno why. Only god knows how much i bloody love you. But sometimes, i slipped. i swear i did not mention tat i love him. Are u crazy?i only love u sia by. Im not perfect. Im also not wad you expect me to be. Im trying my best to change myself. SOmetimes i find myself doing things that is absurd. But i haf to face the fact that i regretted not following my conscience. U can now consider my promises to be meaningless. I beg u not to trust me cos im not worth trusting. That goes the same to my parents. Im sick of being controlled of my own actions. I can’t even go somewhere without my parents nagging and insiting to fetch me home. Ape da jadi dengan hidup kau shana. wad u say mum?FREEDOM? somebody please kill me. HAHAHA. im gonna die from sarcastic laughter. WTF. like tat you call freedom? LJ. You don’t even know the meaning of freedom. I was shocked myself, to even lie to my own mother. But, i tynk this little devil inside of me always seem to get out even if i tried to hold back. Freaky shit mann.

Baby, i just ask for one thing. I just want my old Hermy back. I swear i won’t take advantage of you anymore. You seem to be so harsh to me nowadaes. I know why baby. Its just an act of defence to be sure that this girlfriend of yours knows her boundaries. And be smart enough to avoid unnecessary heartbreaks anymore. However baby, that wall of defence shud go up only when u feel threatened seyy. Asl by?malu ker nk syg2 i in public?salah ker? at least tell me if u dun feel comfortable. I didn’t tell you how hurt i was. cos its just a small matter. I did manage to keep it to myself. I want my old hermy back. Who never calls me name but instead even if he’s mad or upset. Still will call me sayang or Baby. Who never shout at me no matter how late i was. Where have your smiles dissappear to baby? don’t i deserve a smile? am i that bad. im scared i’ll hurt you more. I want you to hold me and kiss me even if im at my werst like you did before. I miss my old Hermy. Bring him back to me. I have never missed someone so much. Everytime i meet you, you no longer pull my hand close to hug me and rest your chin on my head. Im craving so much for your affection. Your tender loving. Maybe, thats why i seem to have slipped. Can you change back to your old self?i’ll give you my life for my old Hermy to come back. PLease honey. I miss you.

SICK.SICK.

2009-04-20T23:37:00.002+08:00

im not sure wad im having.
its just not a nice sight.
im sick.
have no idea wad im facing.
let me be strong.
i hope baby will be tere for me.
i love him so much.
i tynk tis is jus something ,
god is punishing me for my past deeds.
hurts everywhere.
damn.
pray tat i get well soon.
yes? thanx .

sick .

2009-04-17T05:19:00.001+08:00

no mood to update.

Been so busy, with books baby bought.

Loyal companion since im sick and staying home resting.

I miss my boo.

i was bored .

and so was he.

LMAO.

Blindfold hero EP!

2009-04-11T16:51:00.001+08:00

have been anticipating for this day for so longg. Gosh! god knows how much i miss my buddies in RP. You guys fucking rocks lar sey!the starting bands were okayy. I especially love Her Silent Wish but im still curious why the singer ask to make a space in the center. Totally weird. Despite having to wait for camera crew to charge the video cam and kene rabe here and there even with baby around(die pon kene molest.! LOL) , BXH rocks eyy. I’ll be looking forward to more of ur gigs aiite?can’t get in the mosh pit cos i was wearing dress and pantyhose. So yea, forget it. Cos who knows, my dress will end up tattered and torn. ~~TK PERLU EHH!~~ I saw A.J. Haha. he look so lost when i call his name, and i know he pretend to not notice me. Aku knal kau da lamer la samdol. Hermy dun eat people la. Ape sajer la.The funy thing, he look at me, den stand in the middle of he road. Crazyy ass.!but it was nice to see them again. I miss school. I miss my social life. ( so much to sacrifice in the name of LOVE) .

poster for the event..! awesome.

from the left:Isa(rhythm),Madi(drums),Keith(Vox),Bear(Lead guitarist),Matt(Bassist)

Anyways, the day actually started out pretty good, despite the not matching outfit with me and my baby. Totally off the fashion scale. LOL. I felt badd laa. Cos he wear so nice for me and i look like SO normal. so i told baby i wanted to buy 3/4 pants, but after having a long and fruitful thinking session while walking to peninsula, i decided to buy dress instead. HAHA. baby got so pissed. cos he say im wasting money.Something happenned and then shout here shout there. But i gave in, i consoled him, cos i didn’t want the day to end up like that. I held his hands all the way at the gig. Look up at him and said i was sorry. No matter how much it hurts. I made myself happy so he can be happy.

Ur head la waste money. I got nothing else to wear already, my face da makin trok, cos im using cheapo make up. I was pretty annoyed, u can buy what u want. And i can’t. If im working, i would have earn more than wad i ask for la by. Nothing wil happen , and i dun haf to be the new maid at home. When i use my parents money, i feel guilty tau. Like i owe them alot, and they tot i terkenang budi sgt2 , pape smuer dey ask me to do. Tiring you know.

So i told baby, he can say wad he wants. Partly, i wanted him to feel that he has a pretty gerlfren. Not a gerl who like sembarang2 only. NO. Im not like that but u made me that way. Im trying my best to maintain my image , my appearance. Im already 18 going to 19, u can’t expect me to look so plain jane everytime ryte? I have my ego, my pride so that i can shine once a while.. I want people to look at me, no US and go “wow, they look good together”. NOT, “eee, tk lawanyer gerlfren dier.” I care, even if u don’t. I know you say even if im not pretty you’ll still love me, but i care about my appearance. I want to look my best for you. You still dun get it do you? Im sorry for losing my temper like that yesterday. I really cannot take it. You’ve been dissing me off the whoole day, mcm malas nk layan i. I yang macam lamp post, like something about me is pissing you off. I know why ur angry. Because care i pakai tk same standard dgn u kann.Tats y, i bought the dress, at least i look better, LOOK GOOD FOR YOU. people look at me, sape yg proud ? of couse you la. Cos im your gerlfrenn.

love u baby!

2009-04-09T03:30:00.003+08:00

aww.
ur tha sweetest thang babylove.
hearts u truckloads.!
mwuah!mwuah!

Happy 5 months baby!

2009-04-09T01:12:00.001+08:00

Hello love. I saw ur blogpost dari tadi. I didn’t tell you. Haha. U so cute.Tried to make me see ur blog by saying ader problem. Hehe. Yea ryte. Love u baby. Time flies damn fast, i was half dreaming yesterday. I have met someone so wonderful in my life. I hope we last baby, yes i do. I ‘ve dreamt of u even before i met you, i was lying on ur chest staring at ur adorable face. Nothing else could have replace a dream so wonderful and precious. The first time i saw you, my heart spoke for the ferst time. Saying that you are the one. Even though u came in ur sports attire, u seem to have captured my heart the first time our eyes met. Your adorable face melt my heart when u first kiss me. You notice that nasty scar under my lips, instead of criticising me, you touched my face and said “it ‘ll be better soon and your still pretty.” I was so touched, i still can remember the fist touch of ur lips on mine till now. I didn’t expect you to stay on cos im not beautiful nor pretty. I gave u heartbreaks and bucketful of tears. Even so, you still gain the courage and strength to hold on to this relationship. I never had someone who cared so much for myself. Im lost for words to describe how much i love you. Only god knows how much u have suffered because of me. And i swear baby, even these little things you do for me, means so much. I love u so much. God knows how embarrassed you were when i snored in the train. But the truth is, i felt so comforatable, so saft and secured with you by my side that i forgot about the world. I trust you with life and soul. Baby, i jus wanna say ur the ONE. And i will never take these werds back cos i mean it fromt the bottom of my heart. Ur the love of my life. No one can tear us apart cos i’ve already seal your love deep in my heart and soul. Cos i can’t live without you. I LOVE U BABY! I wish you were here so i can whisper “ I love you” in your ears all nite.

awesome day with awesome person !!!

2009-04-06T23:46:00.002+08:00

yessa!
i was damn happy to meet babylove today.
anyway spent the whole day with baby.
haha.
love u babybacenn.!
stubborn la my babybacenn.
ask him to bathe also susah.
aiyoo. *headache
hmm.
karaoke gerek per.
baby veryy badd, take my video.
LOLs.
damn hilarious.
goyannng YUK!!!!
after tat we went to Baby's skool.
slept the whole journey back to jurong east from simei.
baby say i snore.
bedek kan bedek kann?
yea ryteee.
i think i believe him laa.
cos when im tired.
i sleep werst den a bear.
LOLs.
k arr.. shhh.
very embarassing.
i love u babylove.
muarckz!!!

picnic at ECP.

2009-04-03T00:54:00.000+08:00

woohoo!

best seyy g picnic. it was so awesome. but yeaa , woke baby up abit early. like dat also mangkok already. den met him at JP. we go smoke den go jurong east. Like real want to sleep the whole journey. end up talking crap together. Was feeling woozy cos period during the bus ride. I almost puke in the bus. Lucky for him i didn’t. SO, when we reach east coast. I was abit dissappointed cos saw mats and minahs never bathe faces in the morning. Upset siol.. haha. proceed on with our plan, took out my beach mat and sat. Caught myself staring at his adorable face when he’s eating my hotdog. Soooo cutee. hehe. he lie on my lap and yea couldn’t resist but kiss his forehead. I was teasing with sumtynk when he purposely made me angry by feeding the birds. I was scared that more birds will come. Anyway, the bird is so fugly. The feather at the neck was like botak already.so i randomly said “old bird .” Somebody teraserr... haha was so funny.! i con’t to call him old bird. Sensitive la my baby nii.! your one kan young bird. HAHAHA. LOLs. got take some pic also. We went to bugis after that and peninsula to end the day. i swear i was so tired. haha.

wad is wrong with me?

2009-04-03T00:21:00.000+08:00

i was so glad. Even with getting furious for no reason and taking it out on u, it made u love me more. I hope so. I was so heartbroken. I loved u so much , yet i can find the words to hurt u deeper. I really dunno what has gotten into me. I had no idea my anger and frustration was heading for no boundary zone. I apologise for wad i’ve said. I think i’ve said sorry too many times. Is tere a problem with me? am i too head full of myself? im not pretty, im not tat supermodel type either. Wad is tere in me tat im proud of? is tere like sum kind of pills i can take to control my moodswings? i gets so badd when im gonna have my period. Arghh! i hate it. i end up hurting baby so badd. i love him, yet i can’t withstand the anger to control the werds that flew out of my mouth. know tis baby, no matter what i say. i love u so much. so much that i hate myself for hurting you everytime u kept it to urself.