7:29 PM
Friday, February 27, 2009 Truly sorry and I meant it this time.
I just feel terrible, wad am I thinking? Yes I know I'm not perfect. I tried my best to go your ways, to be who you want me to be. I have never hated you baby. Please don't ever say that. I know you're scared shit that I'll be that Shana i used to be. I won't baby. I really hoped you would give me some faith. I need more room to improve. I hate having these stupid fights, where all we did ever since we met was love each other. I needed a wakeup call. I need you so badly that i was so scared to lose you. I'm sorry if I ever doubt you. You are my strength, my blanket in the night. (Smiles. . .) I am too selfish; my actions had caused nothing but misery to you. I got so used to the thought of you loving me so much that it blinded how patient you been have for this few weeks. I was so caught up in my web of misery; I was taking your care and concern for granted. Never once have i wished for anything more as wonderful as you. And here I am crying my heart out writing this post. I came across a letter of yours which you gave to me back then. I didn't have that feeling last time; the letter did touch me but not as much as it did today. How true you were in your words. The pure expression of love so deep, I was washed away from reality. Never once have u posted or said anything bad about me. I felt so guilty, I hurt you so much that i didn't even realize it. I wonder if all this while you have been considering leaving me. I wouldn't be surprised if you did. Baby, it's been countless of times I apologized to you. Despite this cold and stubborn Shana outside, I know you love the Shana inside. I have no intention revealing what i seem as my dark past to you. I'm sorry again that moment where i lost control to my anger and speaking in a harsh way which you said was very minah rep. I also apologize every other time for losing my temper unnecessarily and making something so little into a big fuss. I'm pushing my luck acting this way. I've never loved someone so much like i love you. Yet, I doubt my emotions cos it made me suffer the last time with that moron. Forgive me love. I really hope you do. I just can't believe the fact that you baby belong to me. Mine forever. You're just too nice, much nicer than what I have imagined. I love you the way you are. Baby, i need you to know that i have always loved you. I just wish that I could feel the love as strong as i did when we first met. That baby was truly love at first sight. I will do anything I can to make sure this relationship last. I know this post is not enough to redeem myself. I just want to say, you're more than welcome to be my bear i cuddle to sleep. I miss you so much. I can't stand not seeing you even for one day. Please gif me one more chance to prove myself to you. I can't bear the thought of you leaving me. Baby, don't go. I love you. Will always do. |
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